Can I tell you a secret? Toddlers can be little stinkers at times. Okay, maybe that is no secret. I am sure many people with 18-month-olds know what I am talking about. It is crazy how much defiance can be in one tiny, adorable little body.

Of course I love my little toddler, and she is mostly sweet at times. But she really knows how to push buttons, both physically and mentally. The toddler years are trying times for parents. My patience has been worn thin more times than I would like. I have lost my cool more times than I would like. And I have felt just terrible about it more times than I would like as well.

So I am not a perfect mother. That is established. I can let my anger get the best of me at times. When my toddler spits all her lunch out on the living room carpet, or colors all over the floors with her crayons, or throws a book at my head, it is not my initial instinct to be calm. I know that being calm is what I should do, but it is not always what I do.

I might raise my voice or take the toys away and then we have a major meltdown, and everything just escalates by ten. Then I am sitting there trying to calm my daughter down, while still trying to calm myself down and this sinking feeling washes over me about my ability to parent. Am I the only one?

Just today, I was changing Remi’s diaper before we needed to leave for the library and she was trying to kick me and pull on everything she could reach and I tried so hard to keep my composure. I got the diaper secured and I sat her up to put her pants back on. We were sitting on the carpet and I was trying to get her dressed quickly, so we could get out the door, and she just started spitting out all the snack she had just ate. The snack that I thought she had swallowed when I took her out of her seat at the table. Kids are amazing in their ability to hide food in their mouth. So she is spitting blueberries all over my lap and the carpet. And I lost it.

I just sat her down in the kitchen chair and told her that it was not okay to spit out all her food and then she started to cry and I felt bad for raising my voice and along comes that sinking feeling.

I had made it all the way through the diaper change with patience, but I couldn’t get out the door without my own little mommy meltdown. Thinking back on the situation, I just can’t help but ask what went wrong? I was so close. If I had just one more minute of patience in me, I could have just calmly told my daughter not to spit her food out, cleaned up the mess, and walked out the door. But that is not what happened.

In times when I feel anger rising up in me, I know I need to turn to God. I think I slightly did when I was changing Remi’s diaper, but then I told myself I got this and kept moving. That is where the problem lies. I do not “got this” in stressful times where anger is lurking around the corner. I never have. Any patience or self-control I show, is because of God giving me what I need.

2 Timothy 1:7 say, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.”

I think this verse a good one to store up in the mind for when I am losing my cool for many reasons. First, it reminds me that those traits, power, love, and self-discipline, come from God. On my own, I am not powerful, loving, or disciplined. I kind of suck at all those things by myself. Which is why God gives them to me.

Also, I think this verse can apply to many different emotions. Some translations use the word fear instead of timid, but I think you can insert anything you are struggling with and it still rings true.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us angry…”

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us anxious…”

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us lonely…”

God overcomes each one of those feelings in us. We just have to turn to Him. That is the gift of scripture. We have these words, these reminders of who God is and who He has made us to be. In the scariest, hardest, most out of control times, we have a secret weapon. We have those three traits given by God.

I am trying to remember in the times when my daughter is pushing my buttons like she does her little pop-it toys, that God has given me power, love, and self-discipline. The discipline part is the reminder I need in the moments most. I just have to slow down, and remember. Let the verse sink into my heart, take a deep breathe, and trust that God has given me what I need. I don’t have to lose my cool.

And I will be more careful not to take Remi out of her seat until I know she has finished all her food next time too.