The other night, it was just Remi and I because Colby had to work. It was a pretty good evening. We went on a walk, ate dinner, and played in the living room. Remi was really tired, so I knew it was time to give her a bottle and put her to bed. When she finished her bottle, I wanted to give her some gripe water to help with any gas during the night. Now, my sweet girl hates drinking this stuff. She screams and cries and fights me with every inch of her tiny body. But I know this stuff helps her.

So I prepared for battle and filled the little syringe. She was fighting me hard but I would wait until she stopped crying and then squeeze a little bit in her mouth. A strategy I had developed early on. We were down to the last few drops, so I squeezed it in her mouth. And she choked on it. She took a deep breath that sounded more like a gasp and I panicked. I started patting her little back as fast as I could to get everything cleared. Suddenly I heard something coming up which I thought would be a big burp. Turns out it was puke. Yep. She threw up all over me and all over her. It was a mess and I felt horrible. I kept telling her this stuff would make her feel better and then she ends up puking.

I held her close and whispered I was sorry in her little ear about a million times. She was fine and fell asleep later that night. But I could not get over it. It made me feel like an awful, terrible mom.

Later that night, I was lamenting my feelings and I asked God why mom guilt was a thing. As if He created it. As if He said to Eve in the garden after she ate the apple that she would have pain in childbirth and the curse of never feeling like your doing anything right for your children. It took me a second to realize how wrong I was. Mom guilt isn’t created by God. Do you wanna know what mom guilt actually is? It’s shame. It might not sound like shame because we use the word mom and use a less harsh word like guilt. But beneath the cute little phrase is shame. Plain and simple.

And shame is not created by God. Shame is a consequence of sin. It is a product of this broken world.

In the garden, before the fall, there was no shame. There were no regrets and no feeling like you did something wrong. But when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, everything changed. Shame was the first outcome from that disobedience.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” (Genesis 3:7 CSB)

The very beginning of shame: nakedness. Isn’t that how shame makes us feel now? Completely stripped down to nothing. Bare and vulnerable just looking for something to hide under. Thankfully, there is a God who provides security for us.

“The Lord God made clothing from skins for the man and his wife, and he clothed them.” (Genesis 3:21 CSB)

And God does the same with us today. He did it with me that night. He takes our shame, our guilt, our fear, and He covers it up. He clothes us with confidence and peace and truth. He protects us.

Shame brings awareness of our sin which can be beneficial, but most of the time shame just leads to more sin. When we dwell on what we have done and let it paralyze us, we are unable to make progress for God’s kingdom. We can not grow if we are holding on to the past.

The fear and guilt that seem to come with motherhood have no place when God is the center. The ability to loosen my grip, and trust that God is giving me everything I need to raise this child that He gave me is a gift. I am not in control of anything. Even my own children. I have a role to play, and I will honor God with it. But ultimately, everything is in His all powerful hands.

What I learned that night was that the tiny little slip-ups I have as a mother, wife, friend, or anything else do not need to send me into a spiraling torpedo of shame. God will cover me. I need to turn to him and let. it. go. Holding on to all my mistakes does nothing for anyone.

So relieve yourself from the mom guilt. You are doing the best you can. There is no need for shame when you trust that your sins are forgiven because of Jesus’s death on the cross. He defeated death and sin and shame. And mom guilt.