My husband tells me that I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. In other words, I worry way too much about the things out of my control. What other people do. Things happening on the other side of the world. The future. I tend to let these things just eat away at me.

When it comes to the things I can control, I end up being a little overbearing. Maybe even obsessive. And when things do not go my way? Oh boy. You better watch out. Most of the time I blow up.

I am so aware of this not so great habit of mine yet, I continue to repeat the cycle. I make a plan or have certain expectations. Something goes awry and the plan falls apart. I freak out. Overreact. Lose my cool. Then regret sets in. Even shame. And I feel awful. I repent and say my apologies. Dwell on it a little longer. Then finally forgive myself and try to move on. Give it a week or two and I am back in that same pattern.

It is a horrible pattern to live in. Constantly feeling shameful. Constantly feeling regret. I just have these knee jerk reactions and don’t give myself time to think about how to handle the situation better. When will I learn? How will I learn?

Moses learned this lesson of losing your cool the hard way.

In Numbers 20, when the Israelites are wandering through the wilderness, they begin complaining (again) about the lack of resources surrounding them. They were upset that there was no water. They even asked Moses why he led them out of Egypt. Out of slavery. Now, God had provided water for them before, so Moses and his brother did the right thing first. They went to God for help. The Lord heard them and told them what to do. Moses was to speak to the rock in front of the Israelites and the water would pour out from it.

Well, Moses had a different idea of how to get the Israelites attention. “Listen you rebels” (Numbers 20:10) was how he started and instead of speaking to the rock, he struck the rock twice. Earlier in the wilderness, God commanded Moses to strike the rock for water, but that was not the command God gave him in this situation. Moses disobeyed God and struck the rock out of anger and frustration.

Doesn’t that happen to all of us? We know the right way to handle a situation. We know what we should do. But anger and frustration take over. It can be blinding sometimes. We can let it keep us from doing what God has called us to do.

Water poured out of the rock when Moses hit it. But because Moses disobeyed God, He was not allowed into the promised land. In Numbers 20:12, God says “you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites” (NIV). When we let anger and frustration determine our actions, it is a form of distrust in the Lord. Blowing up because something did not go my way reveals that I was putting my trust in a certain outcome and not in God.

Thankfully, because of Jesus, there is grace for our sinful actions. But trusting in God is a muscle we need to be working on constantly. More often than not, things will not go our way. If my good attitude is based on the specific plans and expectations I have, I am sure to be striking rocks instead of speaking to them if you know what I mean. I am trying to show my trust in God by letting go of my anger. The things I can not control are out of my hands. Do I trust God enough to give it to Him?

Like I said, water still poured out the rock, but the consequences for Moses were devastating. So, how will we get the water from the rock?