I prayed and prayed for a way out. I begged God to give me a sign. I needed discernment and guidance on what to do. I knew that working in a daycare setting was something I loved at one point, but that wasn’t the case anymore. I didn’t want to follow my feelings though. God had put it in place for me to work at the daycare in Ketchikan and then here in St. Louis, but I was miserable now. Was it the fact that I had a daughter or had I just lost the passion I once had? Or was God just putting it on my heart to move on.

Well I didn’t know what was true. So I started praying and asking for guidance. I talked to my husband and asked my friends for advice and prayer. The more I talked to people and prayed, the more I felt dissatisfied at my work. But it still felt like it was my own feelings and I couldn’t tell if it was God. All I want to do with my life is honor Him, so I am terrified to make a move that would go against His will.

Even though I was unhappy at work, I was also afraid. To be honest, I didn’t know if I was able to get another job. I know I have a college degree, but I have never really used it before. When we were moving to St. Louis, I did apply for some administrative jobs and did not get them. I didn’t want to be rejected or overlooked. I want a company to just give me a chance.

So I was stuck. Paralyzed by fear and indecision. To leave or not to leave. What is right? How can I know? I prayed for signs and guidance.

As I prayed, my work got harder and harder. I had many lunch breaks where I would just go into a private room and cry. I would then spend the rest of my lunch breaks looking at Indeed to see what else was out there.

When I was looking at jobs one day, I found one that interested me. It seemed like the kind of work I would enjoy; I was qualified and it was a company I would love to work for. So I applied. No commitment to actually take the job. Really no guarantee I would even hear back. Just a little toe dip into the waters of a different career. Then I prayed more. I prayed to hear back from this employer. I prayed that I would get an interview but also just to hear something from them. It’s almost worse to not hear back at all because then that hope is still dangling in the air like a sad little pinata awaiting its demise. Rejection hurts but at least its closure.

Now I went to work feeling like a double agent. Working this job, but waiting to hear back from another. I had reached the point where I felt like I needed to leave this job, but with this application pending, I thought maybe God is telling me to stay. The thought made me exhausted. I asked God to give me strength if that was His will because I was burnt out. I didn’t stop looking at job opportunities. I would scroll through Indeed like my life was on the line.

There was a small part of me that feared I would never make a change. Not necessarily because God didn’t want me to, but because my own fear of the unknown was crippling. Yes I was unhappy with my job, but did I really have the courage to make a move?

While I was praying about it one morning, I opened my Bible to Matthew 14:22, the story of Jesus walking on the water. This was a passage I had studied and really dug into during 2022. For some reason, God had put it on my heart to focus on this particular story. I was so fascinated by Peter’s courage to get out of the boat and all the little details that were written within those few verses.

Something that really stuck out to me was when Peter asked Jesus to tell him to get out of the boat and waited on His reply. Peter could have said “let me walk on water” or “let me do what you are doing” but he asked for a command from Jesus. He asked Jesus to tell him to come to Him on the water. And Jesus said “come.” It makes me wonder if Jesus had not responded would Peter have been able to take the steps on those waves?

Peter asked Jesus for a command and Jesus responded. As I sat at my kitchen table reading this passage again, I prayed “Lord, tell me to come to you. Ask me to step out of the boat. Give me what I need to walk on the water with you.” I didn’t know how to make a move on my own. Surely I would drown if I just jumped out of the boat without a command from my Savior.

So just like Peter, I asked for God to call me to Him. To where I am supposed to be. That day at work was pretty awful and honestly I did not really think much about the prayer or scripture I had read that morning. But at noon we all got an ominous email saying there was a mandatory meeting on Friday night.

At that meeting, we were told the daycare was close due to financial issues. I could not believe it. I was disappointed at the thought of all the friends I had made losing their jobs and all the families that will be effected by this. But in heart, I knew this was God telling me to get out of the boat. Really at this point, he was sinking my boat so I had to get out. Jesus was calling me to walk on the water. That Friday afternoon, I was looking for jobs online. The habit I had developed in those last weeks. I ended up seeing a job opportunity that was close to our house. I ended up getting that job a few weeks later. Isn’t that just how the Lord works?

About a month later, they let me go due to no longer needing the same amount of staff. While I had another job lined up and I felt the peace that this was God’s plan, it was still sad. The people I worked with were some of my first friends here in St. Louis and I learned so much them. This was the first daycare experience my baby girl ever had. She was so loved by every woman that worked there and I knew we wouldn’t find that level of care anywhere else.

That job was the right job for the time that I had it. But God was calling me to something else. I do not think I was disobedient in working that job for the time that I did. The Lord blessed it, and then he prepared me to move on.

Looking back on my whole work experience, I see God’s hand in every part of it. Raises right at the time we needed it. Extra time on maternity leave because of construction on the building. And now leading me to new career opportunities. He let me learn and grow in the positions I was in and prepared me for motherhood. Jesus is calling me out into new waters and I am excited to see where He leads me. I am thankful for the time I had in that job. The people I met and the things I learned. I am thankful for the clarity God showed me and the reminder that His hands are in every piece of our lives. He is the pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21-22). Always there and always providing.