I love walking, and it’s occurred to me that God has been cultivating this love within me since I was young. I ran cross country in high school and did actually enjoy running, but my mind and body developed a craving for movement in those years of running in the mornings that I continue to indulge in to this day. In college, I lived across the street from a beautiful park where I would run or walk on nice, slow days.

Then I moved to Ketchikan where there are about a million hiking trails. God knew what He was doing. Before I had a job and even now when my husband is gone and the weather is nice, I can walk for six or seven miles just listening to podcasts and taking in the nature around me. It is healing to feel my tennis shoes squish on the soggy ground as my lungs are filled with fresh air. Alaska is nice because most things stay green year-round, so even in the dead of winter, it doesn’t feel so… well, dead. When I go on my long walks, I get lost in the present moment. There is very little stress of the future or worry about tomorrow. Just right now. In this forest by myself. In the presence of my Creator and surrounded by His creation.

I have a few favorite walking spots in Ketchikan and they are all very similar. The reason I like walking them alone is because the trails are pretty narrow. I feel so close to nature as if I am part of the forest. It is in these moments when I am surrounded by trees and bushes and moss (lots and lots of moss) that I am reminded of Psalm 139:5 “You hem me in behind and before”. What a reminder of His great love that is ever present and all around. Just like in the forest, we are surrounded on all sides by His presence, like a bear hug of grace and love.

When I walk down these narrow, forest paths, I feel warm and loved and free and small. Yes, small. Because feeling small is something I have consistently struggled with. Now, I am five foot four (on a good day) so I am not talking about small in terms of height. I mean in the sense that there are things in this life that are bigger than my life. There is a popular song where the lyrics say “I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.” Ever since I first heard those lyrics, I felt convicted because I didn’t feel it. Even when I would travel across the pond, it felt like a struggle to grasp the concept that I was so far away from my home.

But, here, in the forest with trees that seem to only extend more and more upward. This is where I have felt it. My smallness. The feeling that I am not in control of so much. The realization that this life of mine is only a speck on this earth. And boy does that feel good sometimes. For as much as I love control (which my husband can tell you, it’s a lot), I love this feeling of smallness way more. This reminder that I can and have to let go of things in this life because Someone who is much bigger than I has a hold of it.

There are so many mysteries in my personal life and in the world that I often wonder what it will be like to ask Jesus about in Heaven one day. But when I think about asking Him the silly questions, I imagine He would look at me with a smile and ask if it really matters. And in all His goodness and kindness, I feel if I were to say yes, Jesus would spill the tea. But I would be face to face with the man who died for all my fatal flaws, the one who hemmed me in behind and before all my life, so the answer would be no.

These mysteries in life, the control we want over certain things, it doesn’t really matter. When I look up on my walks and see the trees towering over me, I realize that I will never know what the top of those trees will look like, but this is not my purpose. My purpose is to live life with minimal understanding and to trust that God is working above those tree tops and in my own heart for the glory of His Kingdom. I find it’s when I feel the smallest that my trust increases the most.